This is a very long post, my dear friends. Para ito sa mga batch mates and schoolmates ko sa Philippine College of Health Sciences, Inc., who worked hard to be the best and finest nurses not just in the Philippines but abroad. Para ito sa mga professors and clinical instructors namin who guided and taught us. Para ito sa mga nanay tulad ko na gumagawa ng paraan para i-improve ang sarili amidst their very demanding job as a homemaker, mother, and wife. Para ito sa mga kakilala ko at ibang tao na hindi ko kakilala na hindi nagtapos sa "top' or "prestigious" universities or colleges in the country na underestimated and discriminated.

I will always be proud to be a mom, teacher, BSN graduate, Thomasian, PNUan, and most of all, PCHSian! 

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October 29, 2018- 1:30 PM: This date will be etched in my mind and heart forever. I am writing this piece and going to share this to the entire world to serve as a reminder for all moms and the people who didn't graduate from "prestigious" universities or colleges to never stop dreaming even if you are tied with our responsibilities, never stop believing in your capabilities even if there are people who underestimate you, and never doubt in the power of your mind and body no matter how many obstacles you are facing. 

My hands are tied and as you all know, I am a full-time mom with no helper or someone to depend on to look after my child with special needs. I do freelance work, do blogging, manage my social media accounts, maintain a mom community with my mom blogger friends, and help my mom in our home-based business while homemaking. Well, It's the start of the semestral break and this is the only time that I can acquire important documents or inquire/apply for something including requirements for further studies because Hubby's at home to look after the kids. Yes, after nine years, I feel that it's about time for me to go back to school again because aside from the love for learning, I am doing this for Bunso, my autism angel, and for my professional and personal growth as well. I want to be equipped with strategies and knowledge for me to extend at home what his teachers teach him in school. For me, education is the pinnacle of human evolution. Why? Because the intrinsic urge of the human race to learn and explore and go beyond the limits of our current self is what makes us evolve into better beings.

So, I took note all the universities and colleges where Bunso's teachers graduated because all of them were good in what they do. Then yesterday, with all necessary requirements on hand, I hurriedly went to this college in the university belt who is claiming to be the top college for teacher excellence. The secretary of the dean was on leave so the dean herself accommodated me. She handed me the application form for the graduate school entrance test and the list of fees. While I was about to fill up the form, she asked for my Transcript of Records (TOR). The document that was in front of the file was my certificate of honorable dismissal and under it were three pages of my Transcript of Records when I handed them to her.

She said, "Wait, don't fill up the form yet. You graduated from Philippine College of Health Sciences (PCHS). It is a diploma mill school. Did you check the reputation of this school before you enrolled? Then why did you attend so many universities? I couldn't think of words to say this nicely but tatapatin kita, I can't accept you because I don't want our school to be tainted with a school with a bad reputation. We don't want our school to be associated with PCHS. Here in the university belt, we know each other. Tatapatin kita ha? I don't want you to waste your time and money na pakukuhanin kita ng entrance test 'tapos you will not be accepted here."

After hearing this, I was actually in shock because it was my very first time to hear a "Teacher" discriminating someone because of her last school attended and saying degrading words against a school. She didn't even check my TOR to know the answer why I attended so many universities. She didn't even ask me about how we were taught in PCHS. Then I explained, "Ma'am, I finished my degree in Bachelor of Science in Botany from the University of Santo Tomas. While teaching (I didn't mention that I taught in Xavier School for five years because I thought, "Is it necessary?"), I took up Certificate in Teaching Program from Philippine Normal University. I didn't just take 18 units as a prerequisite to taking the Licensure Examination for Teachers but finished the entire course including the practicum. In PCHS, I took up Bachelor of Science in Nursing and graduated with honors in 2009. When I was a student, I wasn't mediocre, Ma'am. I gave my all. I studied hard." Actually, I felt uncomfortable mentioning to her that I graduated with honors because again for me, "Is it necessary?". But due to my situation that time, I thought it might help. Pero sana hindi ko na lang sinabi. In my opinion, what I achieved was just a bonus or reward for enjoying learning. For me, honors or awards are just titles. They can be celebrated but they don't define who a person is. 

When was about to defend my BSN alma mater that she considered a "diploma mill" which I found very unfair, she said, "Bakit doon ka pumasok kasi madalian lahat? Bakit nag-St. Jude ka then you transferred in PCHS?" I answered, "Ma'am, PCHS was the only institution who catered for working individuals and moms like me who wanted to do further studies in nursing that's why I transferred. The curriculum was designed for working individuals and people who couldn't do further studies at daytime during weekdays."

Unfortunately, because I was in the state of shock, I wasn't able to tell these to her because I could see that there was no point in doing it after all which I regretted the most. I should have told her, "In PCHS, we were taught by the best professors and clinical instructors, we did our Related Learning Experience (RLE) in the top public hospitals in the country and different health centers and communities in Metro Manila. We had to pass the one-on-one revalida of all the major subjects that we took before we would be allowed to graduate. We had our thesis writing. We did our research-based work. We were encouraged by the institution to keep going despite our own personal concerns. Our professors were considerate but firm. The institution wasn't mediocre. It might be a flaw for PCHS to accept anyone but it shows that EDUCATION IS ACCORDED TO EVERYONE REGARDLESS OF THE STUDENT'S CIRCUMSTANCES AND MOTIVATION TO LEARN. The responsibility of our teachers there was to provide the avenue for learning and to give unbiased inspiration for the students to grasp their aspirations."

Then she didn't even checked the requirements that I provided but rather wrote her cell phone number directly on the brown envelope and said, "I will show your transcript of records to someone higher than me. Give me a call after two days to know if you will be considered or not." Then I told her while returning the application form, "I already wrote my name on the application form, Ma'am. I hope you'll give me a chance. Try me. I can handle pressure. Ma'am, if I need to take the basic subjects, I am very much willing to do it." Then she let me keep the form. I courteously said goodbye and left her office. While riding the jeepney going home, with all honesty, I felt so low but eventually what happened made me more motivated to keep going. 

What am I feeling right now? I have mixed emotions. I feel sad because I wasn't given a chance by the dean to even take the entrance test much less fill-up the form. That if I pass the entrance test, I can enhance myself through education in that institution but rather making me feel that my current situation is a hindrance for my growth. She repeatedly told me, "Hindi mabilisan dito. Baka hindi mo kayanin ang pressure. Hilaw ang background mo para kayanin mo dito. Here in our college, our undergraduate students are equipped with basic knowledge. Ikaw, worry ko lang baka hindi mo kayanin dito. Your CTP units are not enough." She didn't answer back after I asked, "Will you not consider my teaching experience?" 

I may be feeling sad but I also feel motivated because I believe that there is a college or university out there who is very much willing to accept me for who I am without any prejudice.

Will I call her to check if I will be given a chance or not? I still don't know because this keeps playing in my head, "Why MA Sped? Kasi very lucrative ang course? Malaki ang kita lalo na when you go abroad? Actually, you are the 18th person whom I declined because we don't want our school to be associated with a diploma mill school (I wasn't sure if she was referring to PCHS graduates only.). 'Yong iba nga doctoral degree pa." "I want to take MA Sped because I want to help my son with autism. He is my motivation for doing this. I have no plans of going abroad at the moment," I replied.

If you are in my position, what will you do? How would you feel?


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October 30, 2018 at 4:20 PM

I made a major decision that changed my life as a married career woman 11 years ago. It was easy for me to embrace the idea of becoming a stay at home mom. I knew that I had to give up so much pertaining to a promising career opportunities and mobile lifestyle. I accepted that meeting with friends and fast professional and personal growth would be scarce or none at all. I didn't falter because all I thought was the presence that I could give Kuya and having a nanny would never be an option  again.

Paps and I hired a nanny twice but it never worked for us. It came to a point that only the two of us could fully understand and extend our patience to our son who was very active and clingy that time.

I never look back totally but sometimes I glance behind a little to remember the reason why I have decided to become a SAHM especially during those moments when I feel exhausted, impatient, and irritable. It is inevitable that some days are better than others and vice versa. My life becomes more challenging and time bound when I have started a homebased business with my mom after giving birth to Bunso who has been diagnosed with Mild Autism before his fourth birthday. I have to juggle my duties to give my best to my family especially to my precious sons and have trained myself to insert at least 20 minutes of "me time" a day to keep my sanity intact.


There are instances that I become so focused with business tasks that I take some time that is intended for my kids to finish deadlines. Honestly, I feel guilty. We live by the paycheck that makes me more eager to help my husband earn for a living to give our kids the life that they deserve. Like Paps, I take time to give our kids not just their basic needs but their wants sometimes because I like them to grow up knowing how to prioritize and make the right decisions. I communicate with them and teach them life lessons for them to grow up good and self-directed individuals. I see to it that I make the best out of what we have as a family. I do my best to be always there for my kids. I love them more than I love myself. I can give up everything to make them happy. But the question is, do they know and feel how much I love them? I know that it's not always easy to give the best for my kids but is my best enough for them?

I have shortcomings and imperfections and I wonder how my kids perceive me as a mom. Do their hugs and kisses validate their love for me? When they say "I love you, Mama", do they really mean that they love me or it's just a sort of a habit because I always say "I love you" to them several times a day? Honestly, it never crossed my mind to ask them not until I watched this video:

It's Mother's Month and a perfect time to reflect. How do our kids see us? Sapat kaya ang atensiyon at pagmamahal na ibinibigay natin sa kanila? Here's a touching video about how kids see their moms. Ihanda na ang tissue bago panoorin at nakaaantig ng damdamin. . https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1201733093286441&id=821902747936146&_rdr . #allaroundpinaymama #FernCKidz #kalidadnaalaga

A post shared by SJ Valdez (@allaroundpinaymama) on May 11, 2017 at 1:11am PDT

By merely thinking of asking them about how they see me as a mom makes me feel uncomfortable. It's because I feel that my efforts are not enough, that I still need to improve more to be the best mom that I can be. My husband once told me during one of the lowest moments of my life as a mom, "Mama, don't be too hard on yourself. You are a great mom and always remember that." I hope that my kids feel the same way. Well, I don't have the courage to ask my kids but I can ask Paps to do that for me.
FERN-C kidz was created and manufactured by the makers of FERN-C, the number one Sodium Ascorbate Vitamin C brand in the Philippines. As a product of FERN Incorporated and having the Quali-C seal, you are assured of its quality and efficacy. Plus, your children are sure to love the delicious orange flavor of FERN-C kidz. #KalidadnaAlaga ay sigurado with FERN-C kidz. 

While I was walking on my way home last Monday, the things that would transpire during the day played in my head. I would always do that. I wouldn't want to waste my time being unproductive. Sa pag-iisip pa lang nakakapagod na and I knew that my plan would surely change because being a full time mom taking care of a child with special needs entails a lot of hard work and unpredictable schedule. Walang araw na magkamukha. Laging iba. Laging unique. I accepted that fact and lived with it a long, long time ago. There were days that I would feel wasted because I had to juggle my tasks and wear different hats not one at a time but all at the same time. Kung minsan nakauumay pero kung iisipin ko, masuwerte pa rin ako.

Oo, masuwerte ako. I can see my kids closely. I can watch them grow and don't miss anything (except the things that they do whenever they are in school or whenever they are with their Paps). I am always ready to come to their aid when they need me. I am hands-on with them and that is something that money can't buy. It's priceless. I know that many women would like to be in my place. Mas mahirap maging hands-on and full time mom and wife. I am on duty 24/7 and in my case, if I may use the term, "Weewee lang ang pahinga.", kadalassan pati pag-weewee pahirapan pa. But I don't regret choosing this vocation. I fret not being in this situation. Sometimes I feel guilty when my patience is being tested and I don't extend it especially when I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I feel sad when I think that I don't give too much effort. Sometimes I am being too hard on myself because it's needed. But at the end of the day, there are things that remind me that I am doing my best even I feel that my best wasn't good enough.

When I was about to reach our home, I saw two pairs of mom and child sleeping on the foot bridge. They were homeless. They would beg just to survive. 'Yong isang nanay natutulog pa habang gising na ang baby niyang umiiyak. I empathized with their situation but at the back of my mind, I asked myself, "Bakit kaya ang unfair ng mundo? Why is it that some mothers lose hope and need to beg just to feed herself and her child?" Life is challenging or may be very difficult to some but for me, it's not an excuse to stop dreaming. It's not an excuse to stop working hard and find means to live and not to survive alone. I didn't give money that I would usually do. I handed them food. Nagkakataon naman na tuwing may food ako sa bag, kahit candy pa 'yan or bread, lagi akong may nakikitang namamalimos. Honestly, I felt guilty too. Why? Because I gave them fish and I didn't teach them to catch fish.

It's easy for me to say that difficulties should not be hindrances to stand up and keep moving forward. I experienced hunger, rejection, bullying, and all sorts of ugly situation when we were stripped off with material possessions. My mom, brother, and I endured hardships for more than five years. The mothers with their children that I saw might have different circumstances with ours but the difference was that my mom stood for us against all odds and she didn't lose hope when we lost everything after she and my dad separated more than a decade ago. We knew who our true friends were, those who would stick with us through thick and thin. We worked hard and stood the test of time. We didn't doubt with one another. Our faith kept us together. We chose the right path and fought our battles patiently and wisely. Those experiences were difficult to bear without the strength and love of my mother. Those strength and love are the things that I hold on to now that I am a mom.
I wish that all mothers should not give up despite the harsh realities of life. I hope and pray that someday, I will not see mothers and their children beg on streets. The mother is the light of the family. The attitude of the kids and their outlook in life depend on how they are raised by their mothers. I am so blessed to have a resilient mom. Oo, masuwetre ako. My mom taught me how to be a fighter and to keep moving forward. I have no right to whine on petty things. I can do anything, big or small, because my mom taught me by example.


I hope that someday the kids of those mothers that I've seen would not repeat history. I hope that in the future they will not beg on streets with their own children like what their moms do presently. Sayang ang pagkakataon. Maari namang gumawa ng paraan para mabuhay ng marangal at disente.

*Photo Credit: Pinterest

My mom raised my brother and I to be frugal. She taught us to be wise spenders and live by our own means. She trained us to know the difference between "need" and "want'. 

We were not rich but our parents were able to send us to good schools and support our needs. We didn't grow up deprived or in excess. We enjoyed life in terms of things that were tangible but with responsibility. Thanks to my mom  who was practical ever since.

Money Max Philippines has Four Mommy Money Tips that I remember our mom always telling us. They still echo in our heads.

Now that my brother and I have our own families, we experience tough times though,  but we see to it that we put our mom's tips in mind. Honestly, we've been guilty of  having bought food going bad in the refrigerator and my mom gets furious. But we have improved. Change and good habits especially in terms of saving and money matters really start from within.

We teach our kids to save and be vigilant in their habits at an early age. They also practice frugality and due to this, they become more creative and smart in their choices. We also find time to save through mutual fund and cooperative so that later on when we are old and don't have the capacity to work, our kids and us are going to have something to use. Our ancestors are not rich. We don't want our kids and us to experience the same fate that they have. Our grandparents and parents have done their part in changing our lives and theirs and we want to pass it on to our kids, if not good, better or best.

This morning, I posted this Mother's Day greeting on my Instagram account. I sincerely and truly love my life as a mom despite all the challenges that come with it.

It is and never will it be easy to raise kids. The financial, psychological, spiritual, social, intellectual, and all the aspects that encompass motherhood can be insanely difficult but nonetheless doable. The situation that I have right now has never been taught by mom through words but I've seen and felt them through her actions. I've known what to expect but experience is still the best teacher. 

For me, being a mom is still the greatest and most perfect decision that I've made in my life.

Papa always say, "Mahirap talagang magpalaki ng tao." He always says this whenever our children do something in discord with the norms that we set as their parents. Like us, our children are not perfect. We also accept that children in this generation are way beyond different in their preferences. 

Despite teaching them good values, they may go astray then realize afterwards that they have done something inappropriate. For us, learning from mistakes and standing up right after stumbling down matters but learning from other people's mistakes is much better than the former. 

But committing mistakes is inevitable. That's why we have to teach our kids morals for them to be good people and they are going to do the same when they have families and kids of their own.

Sometimes our kids disobey. The perfect example that I'm going to share with you is the situation that has happened a while ago.

Papa asked Kuya to throw the garbage, one of the few of his household duties at home. Then he refused with an attitude! Papa became agitated and told him to go to his room. (One of our rules as parents is we never talk or reprimand our kids while we are angry.)

After a few minutes of cooling down, I called Kuya and told him that Papa and I wanted to talk to him. This was our conversation.

Papa: "Anak, why do you always refuse to throw the garbage. I don't ask you to do so much for the family. As Mama and I have told you before, you have rights as a child in the family but with every right comes responsibility."

I: "Anak, we already taught you all the things that we thought you needed to know as an individual. You are already big enough to discern between right and wrong. It's up to you to decide but we expect you to do the right things because it's for your own good and it serves as a practice for you so that you'd know what to teach your kids when you have your own family. When Papa and I were kids, we were obedient to our parents not because of fear but because of love. Sana, Anak, ganoon ka rin sa amin. But we want it to be natural. Hindi pilit."

Papa: "Sabi nila, kung ano ang puno, siyang bunga. Ang santol ay hindi mamumunga ng bayabas. Tama, 'di ba? Pero ang prutas ay hindi tao kaya hindi ako naniniwala sa kasabihang 'yan. MAY FREE WILL BA ANG SANTOL? Wala, hindi ba? ANG TAO AY BINIGYAN NG DIYOS NG FREE WILL PARA PAG-ISIPAN KUNG ANG KANYANG GINAGAWA AY TAMA O MALI. It's so unfair for others to say na kaya masama ang anak ng isang tao ay dahil masama ang kanyang mga magulang. Someday if someone will tell me that you are bad because of me and your Mama, I'll tell that person that it's so unfair for him or her to say that. Hindi kami masamang tao ng Mama mo. Hindi ka namin tinuturuang maging masamang anak."

I: "It's up to you, Anak, how you use your free will. But we hope and believe that you will use it to do good things. We love you, Anak. You are a good kid. Please don't forget that. "

Then Kuya began to cry. He was apologetic. We closed the conversation with this statement:

"We love you, Anak. We want what's best for you. We want you to be a good person and that goodness is something that you can pass on to others and to your future wife and kids." 

And it was sealed with a warm embrace.

I know that this conversation will recur, once, twice, or even more than ten times. At the end of the day, it's part of parenthood. It's part of my zestful life as a mom.

Happy Mother's Day to all moms out there who share the same challenges and triumphs like I have. As I always say, let's savor every moment. Each day is worth living because God has given us the best vocation in the world.

School-aged kids nowadays are bombarded with too much school work but it's noticeable that they tend to be more resilient in dealing with the ups and downs of school life. Sometimes they become so adept with their daily routines that they forget to slow down, leading them to confusion, boredom, and sadness especially maybe, when they are being raised by authoritarian grade conscious parents.

In my opinion, being a grade conscious parent is okay as long as he/she is an authoritative parent. Authoritative parenting is needed when it comes to guiding our kids to succeed in school. In fact, according to Grace Shangkuan Koo, PhD on her book Raising Wise Dads, Moms, & Kids, "Authoritative parenting is high on responsiveness and demandingness... Unlike authoritarian parents (high on demandingness but low in responsiveness), authoritative parents combine warmth and support with enforcement of rules and use of sanctions when necessary. Yes, authoritative parents are controlling and demanding as they hold high expectations for mature behavior, yet at the same time they are warm and nurturant, listening patiently and sensitively to their children's point of view."

Papa and I consider ourselves as authoritative parents. When it comes to Kuya's schooling, my husband and I are very hands-on although we don't pressure him that much. We guide him using our "Three Basic Rules for his School Success" but I admit, there are times when he needs more pushing as the school year progresses. No matter how I want to avoid it, the pushing becomes intense when the major exams are approaching. Kuya tends to feel lax and says that he knows the lessons already and there's no need to review. He has this attitude of being too cool and that makes me so anxious and worried about what's going to happen next.

I trust my son but I have reasons to worry. (1) Kuya doesn't like to memorize. He's now a fifth grader and his lessons are harder and requires mastery of knowledge so he needs to remember all the important details from formula to rules, etc, etc. (2) He doesn't like to review his least favorite subjects (Parang sa akin yata siya nagmana, 'no? OMG! Blame it to my genes!).  He doesn't like Math and Filipino that much, subjects that entail too much memorization. (3) He is always tired after school. Aside from studying the whole day, he does his homework while waiting for his Papa. When he arrives at home, I check his homework and if I tell him to review some more, he says that he only wants to eat and rest.

I tell Papa about my sentiments regarding Kuya's behavior towards studying. He always says that I don't have to worry. Both of us should keep on believing that Kuya can do it on his own pace and time. In the first place, Kuya does his best when he's in school. How does Papa know? He's a teacher in the school where Kuya's attending.

He also says that Kuya's like him. Carbon copy daw siya ni Kuya.  

He would tell me that when he was still a kid, he also had the same attitude. But as he grew, maturity set in and all the teachings that Tatay and Nanay taught him sinked in that made him learn how to balance his life. Modesty aside, Papa was a consistent honor student from grade school to high school, an achiever in college, and an excellent teacher and student up to this point.

Papa always eases my worries. What we do to Kuya when he's not in the mood to study yet is we let him play his favorite toys or watch a short film. Then he resumes studying after. Kuya still complains about tons of things to do but by showing him that we trust him and believing that he can deliver make him feel assured that he is doing just fine. This also makes him realize that he is at the right age to become more responsible with his studies.

I feel guilty that sometimes I forget that kids get burned out too and that includes my son! I'm so worried about what's going to happen on his exams that I forget to understand he needs time to relax. The nagging and pushing that I do to Kuya make him more pressured and these lead him to  dislike studying or worse to have low self-esteem. I'm hurting my child unconsciously which is bad.

Papa says, "We are here to live and not to survive!" Yes, it's true. I may not see clearly right now the results of guiding Kuya but I believe that Kuya's going to be a good, talented, and successful person in the future.

Putting myself on his shoes is always a must for me to do. It's not degrading to go down to the level of my son. I was once a kid. I remember that I got burned out too when I was his age! And of course, adults get burned out, mga bata pa kaya? Who am I not to understand?

 

On January 2006, I embraced the fact that I would become a full fledged stay-at-home mom. All I wanted was to be a hands-on mom to Kuya and my soon-to-be kids. I accepted the notion of experiencing both the pains and joys of doing the household chores, being a wife, and meeting the needs of my family that only I can give aside from rearing the kids.

It's almost 10 years... How time flies! Spending my life during this span of time is not perfect. Honestly, I've experienced boredom, frustration, and confusion whether I've been walking on the right path or doing my duties just out of necessity. I've struggled once but I've fought the negative feeling. Then I've succeeded!

I always remind myself not to lurk in feeling wasted or lonely whenever I'm stressed due to the demands of my job as a mompreneur, mom, wife, daughter, and sister or feel easily irritated due to petty things like premenstrual syndrome (Oh, I used to hate having this once a month!). I do my best not to destroy my own inner peace because the life that I have right now is something that I've chosen and to be thanked for. Learning to accept the things that are unforeseen and negative situations no matter how bad they are, makes me sane. For me, if something good or bad happens, it is a venue for me if not to be the very best, just be a better person that I ought to be.

Complaining led me to nowhere. I did it several times before until I realized that it was a waste of time. I changed my outlook in life and became truly optimistic.

There are so many reasons to celebrate life no matter how challenging it may be. Seeing something great in every situation is one of the keys to be happy.

When my boys are rowdy and extremely active, I feel happy because they are in tip-top shape.

When I find it hard to cook dishes for my picky eater loved ones, I feel challenged because I have to improve my cooking prowess.

When I have piles of dishes to wash, I feel grateful because my family has delicious and nutritious food to eat.

When tons of clothes need to be laundered, I feel blessed because we have decent clothes to wear.

When bills are to be picked up in the cubby hole, I feel determined because we have reasons to work hard.

When demands of our jobs come in, I feel secured because I know that my husband and I can pay the bills.

When the house becomes messy, I feel thankful because our home is filled with living people.

When meticulous clients come my way, I feel honored because my creations are being appreciated.

When I'm sleep deprived, I feel glad because I'm needed.

When I get sick, I feel relieved because I have to slow down, listen to my body, and relax for a while.

When problems of all sorts arise, I feel hopeful because I know that God works in mysterious ways. 

I won't complain because I AM BLESSED. 

I won't complain because I HAVE A PURPOSE.  

I won't complain because I AM GOD'S CHILD and HE IS WITH ME ALL THE TIME.

I saw the link to the article, "How To Spot Fake Hands-on Moms of Toddlers by Kathy Car" posted on Nurse's Diary's Facebook page, which was apparently removed from Sun Star Cagayan De Oro's website. Curiosity led me to click the link. As I read the points that the writer was discussing, in some areas, I admit it, I could really relate. 

Let's face it! The scenarios sited are really happening to some moms out there who tirelessly take care of their families. 

So based on Miss Kathy Car's standards, I passed being a GENUINE hands-on mom because of the following reasons.

1. I don't have long, manicured, nail polished fingernails.

First and foremost, as a very busy domestic diva and mompreneur, I don't keep my fingernails long. 

When I see moms who have long painted fingernails, I feel amazed on how they maintain those well-manicured, well-maintained nails while taking care of their kids! How kikay, 'di ba? I wish I can also do that but I feel uneasy when I tried doing so. I would love to do nail art because I think it's fun! But growing my fingernails long makes me really, really uneasy. I feel dirty when my nails are long and I can't do crafting and tons of household chores with long fingernails. Period.
 

2. I can answer what's the last poo of my kids look like.

It's gross to always check how my kids' poo look like everytime they respond to the call of nature. Seriously, I have to do this routine because my kids have history of gastrointestinal bleeding and amoebiasis. I have to always take note of their poo's consistency and appearance.

3. I don't go out with my kids in heels or with jewelry.

In my case, I always wear flats because of comfort and practicality. I have to keep up with my active boys. I don't wear heels because my legs cramp. If only I can wear heels anytime! Why not? For me, girls wearing heels look more feminine and fabulous! If only I can do that too! The mind is willing but my body is not!

I don't wear sets of chunky jewelry or accessories not because my youngest has the tendency to pull them but I feel comfortable not doing it. But when the situation permits, again, why not?

But this was what I found unacceptable:

Not bathing for two days...

Oh no! How can we teach good grooming to our kids if we don't take a bath once or twice daily?

To sum it all up, there's nothing wrong when a mom keeps her fingernails long and painted, goes out with her kids in matching outfits, heels and accessories, doesn't do the household chores because she is capable of hiring a helper, as long as she spends quality time with her kids every single day of her life. I admire moms who are capable of staying fit and fab while doing their duties as moms, wives, or career women.

There are working moms who help their spouses earn for a living to ensure their families' future and welfare but do their best to catch up with their kids. Some are working abroad but they see to it that they talk to their kids often. There are WAHMs and SAHMs who stay with their children 24/7 but they're just physically present but mentally absent. What do I mean? They're just with their kids to do the usual routines of bathing and feeding them but after that they spend their time on their gadgets, go to their neighbor's house to gossip, or prioritize their own concerns rather than their kids'.

We have to be aware that WE HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE OTHER MOMS AND SPOT WHETHER THEY ARE FAKE HANDS-ON MOMS OR NOT. We have no right to say that a mom is a fake hands-on mom if she doesn't pass our standards or expectations. Judging other moms based on our own perception and beliefs is very, very UNFAIR!

The mother's attitude towards herself and others may be a reflection on how she mother's her children. Well, sabi nga, "Kanya-kanyang diskarte 'yan!" If a mother chooses to look "losyang" or "kikay", it's none of our business anymore. How we want to look like is not other people's business too. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING AMONG OUR HOMES AND HOW WE RAISE OUR OWN CHILDREN SO WE HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE ONE ANOTHER.

There are many faces of motherhood and wearing different hats can never be easy. Some days are better than others. But it's not an excuse for us, moms, to neglect ourselves. Kids learn best through example. In my opinion, if our kids see us taking care of ourselves, keeping our bodies clean, beautiful, and presentable whether at home or outside, our kids can be inspired and do the same. 

 

Isn't it nicer if moms empower one another instead of pulling one another down? Isn't it good if we encourage one another to look, feel, and be at our best in all aspects so that we can become good examples to our kids? Instead of spotting flaws and judging other moms, let's mend ours and focus on how we can become better moms and inspire others to do the same.

 

You may also check these sites: 

How to Spot a Fake Hands-on-Mom

 

Fake Hands-on-Moms, Apparently It's a Thing!

An Open Letter to the Writer of “How to Spot a ‘Fake’ Hands-on Mom” and Sunstar CDO