Teachable Moment: Free Will
May 08, 2016
This morning, I posted this Mother's Day greeting on my Instagram account. I sincerely and truly love my life as a mom despite all the challenges that come with it.
It
is and never will it be easy to raise kids. The financial,
psychological, spiritual, social, intellectual, and all the aspects that
encompass motherhood can be insanely difficult but nonetheless doable. The situation that I have right now has never been taught by
mom through words but I've seen and felt them through her actions. I've
known what to expect but experience is still the best teacher.
For me, being a mom is still the greatest and most perfect decision that I've made in my life.
Papa always say, "Mahirap talagang magpalaki ng tao." He always says this whenever our children do something in discord with the norms that we set as their parents. Like us, our children are not perfect. We also accept that children in this generation are way beyond different in their preferences.
Despite teaching them good values, they may go astray then realize afterwards that they have done something inappropriate. For us, learning from mistakes and standing up right after stumbling down matters but learning from other people's mistakes is much better than the former.
But committing mistakes is inevitable. That's why we have to teach our kids morals for them to be good people and they are going to do the same when they have families and kids of their own.
Sometimes our kids disobey. The perfect example that I'm going to share with you is the situation that has happened a while ago.
Papa asked Kuya to throw the garbage, one of the few of his household duties at home. Then he refused with an attitude! Papa became agitated and told him to go to his room. (One of our rules as parents is we never talk or reprimand our kids while we are angry.)
After a few minutes of cooling down, I called Kuya and told him that Papa and I wanted to talk to him. This was our conversation.
Papa: "Anak, why do you always refuse to throw the garbage. I don't ask you to do so much for the family. As Mama and I have told you before, you have rights as a child in the family but with every right comes responsibility."
I: "Anak, we already taught you all the things that we thought you needed to know as an individual. You are already big enough to discern between right and wrong. It's up to you to decide but we expect you to do the right things because it's for your own good and it serves as a practice for you so that you'd know what to teach your kids when you have your own family. When Papa and I were kids, we were obedient to our parents not because of fear but because of love. Sana, Anak, ganoon ka rin sa amin. But we want it to be natural. Hindi pilit."
Papa: "Sabi nila, kung ano ang puno, siyang bunga. Ang santol ay hindi mamumunga ng bayabas. Tama, 'di ba? Pero ang prutas ay hindi tao kaya hindi ako naniniwala sa kasabihang 'yan. MAY FREE WILL BA ANG SANTOL? Wala, hindi ba? ANG TAO AY BINIGYAN NG DIYOS NG FREE WILL PARA PAG-ISIPAN KUNG ANG KANYANG GINAGAWA AY TAMA O MALI. It's so unfair for others to say na kaya masama ang anak ng isang tao ay dahil masama ang kanyang mga magulang. Someday if someone will tell me that you are bad because of me and your Mama, I'll tell that person that it's so unfair for him or her to say that. Hindi kami masamang tao ng Mama mo. Hindi ka namin tinuturuang maging masamang anak."
I: "It's up to you, Anak, how you use your free will. But we hope and believe that you will use it to do good things. We love you, Anak. You are a good kid. Please don't forget that. "
Then Kuya began to cry. He was apologetic. We closed the conversation with this statement:
"We love you, Anak. We want what's best for you. We want you to be a good person and that goodness is something that you can pass on to others and to your future wife and kids."
And it was sealed with a warm embrace.
I know that this conversation will recur, once, twice, or even more than ten times. At the end of the day, it's part of parenthood. It's part of my zestful life as a mom.
Happy Mother's Day to all moms out there who share the same challenges and triumphs like I have. As I always say, let's savor every moment. Each day is worth living because God has given us the best vocation in the world.
