All-Around Pinay Mama

Is My Best Enough For My Kids?

May 11, 2017

I made a major decision that changed my life as a married career woman 11 years ago. It was easy for me to embrace the idea of becoming a stay at home mom. I knew that I had to give up so much pertaining to a promising career opportunities and mobile lifestyle. I accepted that meeting with friends and fast professional and personal growth would be scarce or none at all. I didn't falter because all I thought was the presence that I could give Kuya and having a nanny would never be an option again.

Paps and I hired a nanny twice but it never worked for us. It came to a point that only the two of us could fully understand and extend our patience to our son who was very active and clingy that time.

I never look back totally but sometimes I glance behind a little to remember the reason why I have decided to become a SAHM especially during those moments when I feel exhausted, impatient, and irritable. It is inevitable that some days are better than others and vice versa. My life becomes more challenging and time bound when I have started a homebased business with my mom after giving birth to Bunso who has been diagnosed with Mild Autism before his fourth birthday. I have to juggle my duties to give my best to my family especially to my precious sons and have trained myself to insert at least 20 minutes of "me time" a day to keep my sanity intact.

There are instances that I become so focused with business tasks that I take some time that is intended for my kids to finish deadlines. Honestly, I feel guilty. We live by the paycheck that makes me more eager to help my husband earn for a living to give our kids the life that they deserve. Like Paps, I take time to give our kids not just their basic needs but their wants sometimes because I like them to grow up knowing how to prioritize and make the right decisions. I communicate with them and teach them life lessons for them to grow up good and self-directed individuals. I see to it that I make the best out of what we have as a family. I do my best to be always there for my kids. I love them more than I love myself. I can give up everything to make them happy. But the question is, do they know and feel how much I love them? I know that it's not always easy to give the best for my kids but is my best enough for them?

I have shortcomings and imperfections and I wonder how my kids perceive me as a mom. Do their hugs and kisses validate their love for me? When they say "I love you, Mama", do they really mean that they love me or it's just a sort of a habit because I always say "I love you" to them several times a day? Honestly, it never crossed my mind to ask them not until I watched this video:

It's Mother's Month and a perfect time to reflect. How do our kids see us? Sapat kaya ang atensiyon at pagmamahal na ibinibigay natin sa kanila? Here's a touching video about how kids see their moms. Ihanda na ang tissue bago panoorin at nakaaantig ng damdamin. . https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1201733093286441&id=821902747936146&_rdr . #allaroundpinaymama #FernCKidz #kalidadnaalaga

A post shared by SJ Valdez (@allaroundpinaymama) on May 11, 2017 at 1:11am PDT

By merely thinking of asking them about how they see me as a mom makes me feel uncomfortable. It's because I feel that my efforts are not enough, that I still need to improve more to be the best mom that I can be. My husband once told me during one of the lowest moments of my life as a mom, "Mama, don't be too hard on yourself. You are a great mom and always remember that." I hope that my kids feel the same way. Well, I don't have the courage to ask my kids but I can ask Paps to do that for me.

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Taking the Road to a Fulfilled Life

April 28, 2017

In this life we call a "journey", we have the power to choose what we want to be and the road that we want to travel. In my case, I always choose to take the road less traveled. I always believe that I am on the right track when the situation gets tough. All I have to do is to purge all my resources and energy positively to keep going.

Having a difficult and sad childhood up to the extent of being stripped off with everything in young adulthood while figuring out how to earn for a living as a breadwinner, summarizes the darkest days of my life until I decided to get married and build a family of my own. I believed in those moments that "It shall pass", and it did. I faced reality and held on to the truth. I trained my mind to find something good in every bad situation. Having distasteful moments could teach more than losing more. The most important aspect of it was I learned who my true friends were and faith kept my sanity intact.

My life has been a continuous struggle but it doesn't stop me from being self-directed and optimistic. There was one time that I had a chance to converse with a friend priest and I told him my life story. These were the exact words that he said, "If that situation of yours happened to someone else, he or she might get crazy." Yes, it was easy to just give up and be selfish. I was young and there were opportunities in store for me that could be attained by being alone... But I chose to stay and be with my mom and brother. I didn't run away from my problems. I initially chose to stay away from negative people and that helped a lot.

I am now married to my best friend, the best husband and dad, the person that God has given me in those times that I've needed someone to understand me. We have two wonderful boys and the youngest has been diagnosed with Mild Autism Spectrum Disorder. We have so many blessings to thank for despite having a challenging family life. We may not be rich in material possessions but I can say that we are happy. Our togetherness is truly a gift.

Trials come and I can face them bravely and conquer them gracefully because I am surrounded with good people. But at the back of my mind, am I truly contented? Am I completely free from my ugly past?

Honestly, there comes a time when I feel that there is lacking despite planning my life purposefully in accordance to what I know that is best for myself and the people I love. I feel this way when everything turns out unwell despite being prepared and righteous. Maybe, subconsciously, I feel that life is very unfair despite doing my very best to make it fair for myself and the people that I hold dear. I have a strong faith in God and it's very wrong to ask Him "Why me again? All is well and good, but why another misfortune? Mabuti naman akong tao at wala akong inaapakan. Bakit ako na naman?" Well, I am not always thinking like this. It seldom happens but it hurts. I feel this way whenever I am bombarded with too much problems all at the same time. Itutulog ko lang at nagiging okay naman ako kinabukasan. I keep moving forward. I stay optimistic and do the things that I trained my mind and body for including repression and suppression of feelings. But still, I feel that there's an empty space in my life that needs to be filled in.

Learning about the upcoming e-course, "The Roadmap to a Fulfille Life" by Miss Viviene Bigornia, just came right on time. I seldom read posts on Facebook for a couple of days due to my very busy schedule and it was the first post that popped up! Maybe God was sending me a message. Maybe involving myself in this course could take all my unresolved issues away.

These four statements struck me the most when I visited the website that prompted me to take the course:

- Learn the foundation and the very first step in finding God's calling

- Know what is a fulfilled life and how to experience it.

- Unearth your past experiences and discover where God is leading you.

- Get yourself prepared to transition from where you are to where you should be.

I am totally submitting myself to this course. Enrollment starts today, April 28, and ends on May 15. Upon enrollment, I can get an access to the following:

- Free Ebooks
- Free Printables
- Exclusive Access to its Private Community

You may go to http://thefulfilledwomen.com/fulfilled-life/ for more details. If you feel that you have a situation closer to mine or if you are still finding your purpose, I invite you to learn with me. I believe that this will help us break the chain of resentments and pain to find more meaning in what we do.

How We Treat Our Family Members With Special Needs Can Make or Break Them

February 27, 2017

AAPM Musings: Mothers Teach by Example

February 14, 2017

While I was walking on my way home last Monday, the things that would transpire during the day played in my head. I would always do that. I wouldn't want to waste my time being unproductive. Sa pag-iisip pa lang nakakapagod na and I knew that my plan would surely change because being a full time mom taking care of a child with special needs entails a lot of hard work and unpredictable schedule. Walang araw na magkamukha. Laging iba. Laging unique. I accepted that fact and lived with it a long, long time ago. There were days that I would feel wasted because I had to juggle my tasks and wear different hats not one at a time but all at the same time. Kung minsan nakauumay pero kung iisipin ko, masuwerte pa rin ako.

Oo, masuwerte ako. I can see my kids closely. I can watch them grow and don't miss anything (except the things that they do whenever they are in school or whenever they are with their Paps). I am always ready to come to their aid when they need me. I am hands-on with them and that is something that money can't buy. It's priceless. I know that many women would like to be in my place. Mas mahirap maging hands-on and full time mom and wife. I am on duty 24/7 and in my case, if I may use the term, "Weewee lang ang pahinga.", kadalassan pati pag-weewee pahirapan pa. But I don't regret choosing this vocation. I fret not being in this situation. Sometimes I feel guilty when my patience is being tested and I don't extend it especially when I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I feel sad when I think that I don't give too much effort. Sometimes I am being too hard on myself because it's needed. But at the end of the day, there are things that remind me that I am doing my best even I feel that my best wasn't good enough.

When I was about to reach our home, I saw two pairs of mom and child sleeping on the foot bridge. They were homeless. They would beg just to survive. 'Yong isang nanay natutulog pa habang gising na ang baby niyang umiiyak. I empathized with their situation but at the back of my mind, I asked myself, "Bakit kaya ang unfair ng mundo? Why is it that some mothers lose hope and need to beg just to feed herself and her child?" Life is challenging or may be very difficult to some but for me, it's not an excuse to stop dreaming. It's not an excuse to stop working hard and find means to live and not to survive alone. I didn't give money that I would usually do. I handed them food. Nagkakataon naman na tuwing may food ako sa bag, kahit candy pa 'yan or bread, lagi akong may nakikitang namamalimos. Honestly, I felt guilty too. Why? Because I gave them fish and I didn't teach them to catch fish.

It's easy for me to say that difficulties should not be hindrances to stand up and keep moving forward. I experienced hunger, rejection, bullying, and all sorts of ugly situation when we were stripped off with material possessions. My mom, brother, and I endured hardships for more than five years. The mothers with their children that I saw might have different circumstances with ours but the difference was that my mom stood for us against all odds and she didn't lose hope when we lost everything after she and my dad separated more than a decade ago. We knew who our true friends were, those who would stick with us through thick and thin. We worked hard and stood the test of time. We didn't doubt with one another. Our faith kept us together. We chose the right path and fought our battles patiently and wisely. Those experiences were difficult to bear without the strength and love of my mother. Those strength and love are the things that I hold on to now that I am a mom.

I wish that all mothers should not give up despite the harsh realities of life. I hope and pray that someday, I will not see mothers and their children beg on streets. The mother is the light of the family. The attitude of the kids and their outlook in life depend on how they are raised by their mothers. I am so blessed to have a resilient mom. Oo, masuwetre ako. My mom taught me how to be a fighter and to keep moving forward. I have no right to whine on petty things. I can do anything, big or small, because my mom taught me by example.

I hope that someday the kids of those mothers that I've seen would not repeat history. I hope that in the future they will not beg on streets with their own children like what their moms do presently. Sayang ang pagkakataon. Maari namang gumawa ng paraan para mabuhay ng marangal at disente.

*Photo Credit: Pinterest