How "The Undo List by Alu Aluzan-Aran" Changed Me
June 21, 2014I am a Mom, Must-Read, Reflections, Working Mom Magazine,
I was rigid and perfectionist before I read the article "The Undo List by Alu Aluzan-Aran" (pp.84-85) on Working Mom Magazine November 2013 issue. My friends would tease me and say that I was the ultimate OC (Obsessive Compulsive) of all. The article turned me around. It changed the way I looked into my routines - as a mom who pushes herself to the limits, who wants everything get covered by the dot, and changing the schedule would make the day quite unpleasant.
I also remembered the time when I was still teaching. I would carry with me a small notebook where my so called "Things to Do" list was written. My co-teacher, Mrs. Tin-Tin Alcala would tell me, "O, ano? Magagawa mo ba lahat ng nakasulat diyan?" ("Hey, what? Can you do all the things written there?") I would just shrug my shoulders and laugh about it. At the end of the day, I would miss three to four activities. I was too hard on myself then. I would feel bad if something was missed. Then I would include those missed activities on my next day routines. The same pattern would happen over and over until I got burned out.
I didn't learn from that experience. I still did the same thing when my first child was born. I would still sit down and write all the things that I had to do for the day. Hubby would tell me, "Ma, you have to be flexible. You are not a machine. You have to admit that you get tired and you need to rest. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're a great mom! Remember that."
As years passed, I learned to be a little flexible. But the eagerness of becoming a SUPER MOM continued.
After reading the article, I realized these:
1 There's nothing wrong if I pause for a while and give time for myself.
"Thirty minutes can change your day."
Honestly, I would feel guilty when I stop doing my motherly duties. I would feel like stealing time from my family.
Yes, it's true. We, moms, should have a daily me-time or appointment with ourselves that could be anytime between 30 minutes to two hours. It's time to maybe take a nap, do some crafting, read a chapter or two of our favorite novel, exercise, take a leisurely bath, meditate, or do something that we really like.
2 I should lessen my expectations and do what is best at the moment.
"There are seasons which will impact over time and can be confusing."
I learned to accept it and believed that it would pass and I would have my time someday.
3 I must know my priorities.
Following a "To Do List" drove me crazy in the past. It controlled me. It made me unable to focus on what was more important. I was physically at home taking care of everything but I was mentally absent, worrying about the future. I was hurrying to have a career outside our home, to grow professionally, not considering the fact that my kids still needed me. I wasn't contented of having a small business while taking care of my family.
When my kids got sick, I appreciated my being WAHM. They should be my topmost priority.
4 It's okay to slow down.
I love multitasking. It could make me finish all my daily tasks. But is this necessary all the time?
"It is important to be firm and single-minded when it comes to taking care of our personal needs, and using the time to do only the chores and tasks that matter to us and our family. Everything else is secondary."
HAPPY & CALM MOM = HAPPY & CALM FAMILY
Now I am more relaxed, contented, and happy with my spontaneous life as a mom. I don't care if I'm not able to finish everything in a day. After all, there's another day to look forward to. I just take a deep breath, smile, and say, "I know what matters most. Everything's gonna be okay."
26 comments
thanks for this tip mommy :) sometimes you have to give time for yourself din :)
ReplyDeleteYes," Me Time" is a must for us moms. We'll go insane if we don't unwind! :)
DeleteI think I'm the opposite. I don't have to-do lists and my life is kind of haphazard. I guess to achieve goals we set, there should be a balance between being rigid and being flexible. A mom's life is full of the unexpected.
ReplyDeleteI strongly agree. I learned to be spontaneous the hard way! I'm more flexible now! :)
DeleteWow, I should have that 30 minutes "me-time" thanks for shareing mommy SJ!
ReplyDeleteMommy Rea, it feels good when I pause and find time for myself. Resting makes me more patient in dealing with my duties especially with my kids.
DeleteThanks Mommy for this article you share! Hahahaha I'm a pusher too. I think i will do what you say nothing is wrong to pause for a while :)
ReplyDeleteBefore, even the idea of giving myself time made me feel guilty. I knew it was wrong but I couldn't help it. Now, if chores aren't done yet, bahala kayong maghintay na gawin ko kayo later! Hahaha! :)
DeleteI have a to-do list and even my 3-year old son. But it's ok not to tick them all as there are some more important things that might come up - yes, even snuggling and lying down for no reasons at all.
ReplyDeleteAt least I'm not alone. Hahaha! I still do the same but I'm more spontaneous and flexible compared before. Now I don't feel guilty when I give myself time, yes, even snuggling and lying down for no reason at all.
DeleteOh, I can super relate because like you, I'm also a to-do list junkie. Somehow, it gives me a sense of satisfaction to see the things I was able to do for the day. That was before I became a mom, though, because suddenly, I couldn't accomplish my to-do's. Instead of wallowing, I decided to give myself a break. After all, mothering is one tough to-do to make!
ReplyDeleteMotherhood is probably the toughest job in the world. You can't even stop working when you're sick. There are so many responsibilities but it's worth it! It also gives me satisfaction whenever I see the things on my list accomplished. But now it's okay when it's not completely covered. There is still another day to finish them all.
DeleteI always love some me-time, I need it to stay sane ;)
ReplyDeleteYes, indeed, M!
DeleteI have a problem with trying to be super mom I forget that I cannot do everything and even robots need to recharge. All the unnecessary stress are mostly something I've done to myself. I know it's bad when I crave and miss the frazzle during my necessary downtime.
ReplyDeletePaulline, I realized that I should love myself so that I could give more love to my family. Now I don't feel guilty when I give time for myself. It's rejuvenating! :)
DeleteThanks for sharing. You know I have a gazillion items in my to-do list waiting for me and when I resolve to get them done every night, my daughter always wins over. She usually doesn't want to sleep when the partner or I would be up (often at the laptop) so we pretend to sleep with her. Of course, it always ends up with me waking up when the sun's out already. Hahaha!
ReplyDeleteI can relate. Bunso is like your daughter. But I have to wake up early even if I sleep late because I have to prepare breakfast and baon for Kuya and Papa.
DeleteI think I'm like mommy Cym, haha. Though everything's haphazard, I feel that I pour everything to my family so some me time really is in order. :)
ReplyDeleteYou're lucky to have a very supportive family around! You have two kids din like me. Kailangan talaga ng mas maraming "me time". Thanks for visiting, Mommy Cher! :)
DeleteThanks for sharing this post as I am kinda an OC mom myself! I need to have an everyday "me" time.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome, Mommy Peachy! I'm still doing my best to loosen up! :)
Deletesuper nice post. made me stop and think about how i can treat myself :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mommy Nerissa! Moms deserve a treat and to get pampered! :) Happy new year!
DeleteI am a to do list type of girl kasi I am forgetful and I live by the mantra that when you write down your plans or wishes it will come true. Hihu though I dont stress too much about it I think Im okay!:)
ReplyDeleteI agree with feeling guilty or bad when I have ny me time coz I feel I neglect my child but I feel its a must so we parents can recharge too.
Thanks for sharing, I hope I could read yhe article too!:)
Thanks, Mommy Jho! Yes, I also believe that planning leads to not failing. Now I am not that rigid although sometimes I push myself to the limits when it's necessary. Happy new year! :)
DeleteThanks for stopping by!
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